El Clásico: Barcelona’s Second Embarassment in Five Days

27 Feb
Ángel Di María had Carles Puyol doing the splits (via 101greatgoals)

Ángel Di María had Carles Puyol doing the splits (via 101greatgoals)

My abs are sore. Not from my workout earlier today, but from seeing Puyol do the splits in today’s El Clásico in the Camp Nou or should I say Camp Mou?. Should I have foreseen such an action-filled Clásico tonight, I would not have done so many planks this morning. Even Sir Alex Ferguson graced the Camp Nou with his appearance!

Was Sir Alex there to root for his son CR7 or spy on Real Madrid?

Was Sir Alex there to root for his son CR7 or spy on Real Madrid?

The Merengues wiped the Blaugrana clear off the road to the Copa del Rey title with a resounding 3-1 victory (4-2 aggregate).

Barcelona impressed me with the way they entered the game: strong, dominating, and La Pulga Biónica Messi scaring the Merengue goalkeeper David López with a shot on goal in the second minute. However, that suddenly changed.

Barça’s headache, Cristiano Ronaldo, entered the spotlight in the 12th minute. A challenge from Gerard Piqué on CR7 granted Madrid a penalty kick, which Ronaldo obviously netted.

naughty boys on the pitch

Barcelona messing with Ronaldo’s outfit results in…

Ronaldo netting a penalty kick against Barcelona

this, and…

Cristiano celebrates a penalty kick against you

Ronaldo celebrating that successful revenge so hard….

barça-fans-photos-cristiano

that even the culés take pictures of Ronaldo.

Well, that was the first half.

But wait, just before the first forty-five minutes were up, Álvaro Arbeloa challenged Alba and left the latter writhing in pain.

Jordi with a migraine, courtesy of Arbeloa

Jordi with a migraine, courtesy of Arbeloa.

Sergio Ramos, demonstrating sportsmanship, walked over to Alba to make sure he was ok. But Alba wouldn’t accept the concern.

In the second half, Real Madrid’s unleashed its lethal weapon: the counter attack.

After a fantastic save from Diego López, Sami Khedira kicked the ball across the field to a receiving Di Maria, who attempted a shot that bounced off José Manuel Pinto and right towards the boots of CR7, who lost no time in sending it past Jordi Alba and into the net. That pretty much determined the result, and Barcelona began to lose control and make mistakes.

Cris' second masterpiece

Cris’ second masterpiece

Ronaldo celebrating his second goal. Not too sure what Barça is doing in the background. Yoga?

Ronaldo celebrating his second goal. I’m not too sure what Barça is doing in the background. Yoga?

Cris seems to have this yoga effect on more than one Barcelona player.

Cris seems to have this yoga effect on more than one Barcelona player.

CR7 becomes the first player to score in six consecutive away Clásicos. Two goals, five shots, and two on target tonight.

CR7 becomes the first player to score in six consecutive away Clásicos. Two goals, five shots, and two on target tonight.

VERY STRONGLY HIGHLY SUGGEST you click on this link to see a GIF of Puyol’s splits. I’ve always wanted to do the splits. Maybe I need Di María to give me a little push.

As if that wasn’t good enough, along came Raphaël Varane, who put the cherry on top. In case you forgot, this 19-year-old lad made his debut in the last Clásico by scoring a superb header that saved Real Madrid from a loss against Barça in the first leg of the semifinal. That’s two goals in two consecutive Clásico from a defender. Real Madrid certainly has a positive ROI (Return On Investment) in Varane. This lad is show stopping left and right.

 Madridistas out there, you can make Christmas cards from this image

Madridistas out there, you can make Christmas cards out of this wonder. No joke.

Mourinho’s antics highly amuse my mother and me. He normally curses, shouts, and leaves the pitch before the match is over. But this time, the controversial coach smiled and even celebrated by hugging and jumping with little 6’3″ Varane, who dedicated his goal to Mou.

What?! A happy Mou??

What?! A happy Mou??

Mou clinging to Varane and Coentrão displaying utter happiness

Mou clinging to Varane and Coentrão displaying utter happiness.

These "westside" gang signs were way too much for my abs.

These  failed “westside” gang signs were way too much for my abs. Oh wait, I think they’re signaling the three goals they scored.

But Barcelona is Barcelona, and they fought until the very end. Even in the 60th minute, I personally believed they could still pull four goals, because they’re legit like that. However, Real Madrid would not hear of it and the defense only allowed the “honor goal” from Jordi Alba a minute from time. Well done, Jordi!  Barça is known to work their way through the middle, but Los Blancos made sure they blocked the Blaugrana magic tic tac touch of the ball.

Do you remember that one guy in school who thinks he’s so cool he can be a bully? That was Pepe tonight. He substituted Mesut Özil in the 78th minute, and he wasted  no time in inciting drama. Seven minutes in, he flung his arm at Sergio Busquets, who retorted the hurl. A ‘Super Smash Bros. Brawl’ began to ensue, with the rest running over to put in their two cents, but the refs quickly stopped the nonsense.

Kepler "Pepe the Instigator' Lima

Kepler “Pepe the Instigator’ Lima

Pepe is the only Madrid player who has won a Clásico on his birthday.

Pepe is the only Madrid player who has won a Clásico on his birthday.

Thus ended the fixture, and Real Madrid guaranteed its spot in the Copa del Rey final.

They says that quality prevails over quantity.  Although the Merengues had overall less ball possession, they generated results.

They says that quality prevails over quantity. Although the Merengues had overall less ball possession, they generated results.

His Honorable Majesty "La Pulga Biónica" Messi was nowhere to be seen tonight.

His Honorable Majesty “La Pulga Biónica” Messi was nowhere to be seen tonight.

In the meantime, Real Madrid await the victor of tomorrow’s other semifinal between Sevilla and Atlético Madrid.

Barcelona needs a serious wake up call; two losses in five days is just not typical of Barça. Let us remember that five days ago, Barcelona lost to AC Milan 0-2 in the first leg of the last 16 in the Champions League.

Please don’t forget this weekend’s Clásico.  I don’t know your time zone, but here in San Diego it will be at 7:00 a.m. on Saturday. I can’t wait for the drama.  Barça wants revenge, and Los Blancos are on a roll.

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One Response to “El Clásico: Barcelona’s Second Embarassment in Five Days”

  1. Beyond The Ninety Minutes March 2, 2013 at 9:03 am #

    Hi there, we are a football blog looking out for new writers, and we spotted you as someone who perfectly suits our site. If interested, do get in touch with us at mail[at]beyondtheninetyminutes[dot]com. It would be great to have you on board.

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